How Stubbornness Makes Us Cling to the Familiar and Stops Change

Stubbornness often gets a bad reputation, but it serves an essential psychological and neurological function. Understanding why we resist change can help us break free from self-imposed limitations and build growth. In this article, we’ll talk about the science behind stubbornness and provide actionable strategies for overcoming resistance to change.

The Psychology of Stubbornness: Why We Cling to the Familiar

1. Cognitive Dissonance (The Mental Tug-of-War)

When new information conflicts with what we already believe, we experience discomfort known as cognitive dissonance. To ease this tension, we often reject or rationalize the new information rather than adapting our beliefs.

How to Overcome It:

• Engage in perspective-taking – Ask yourself, “What if I’m wrong? What would changing my perspective offer me?”

• Use the 10-Year Rule – Consider if your belief or behavior will still serve you in the next decade.

• Fact-check your assumptions – Challenge yourself to research opposing viewpoints.

2. Confirmation Bias (The Invisible Filter)

Our brains naturally seek information that supports our existing beliefs while ignoring contradictory evidence. This bias reinforces stubbornness and makes change difficult.

How to Overcome It:

• Seek out contrary opinions – Actively read or listen to perspectives that challenge your views.

• Engage in structured debate – Discuss your opinions with someone who holds a different viewpoint.

• Use evidence-based decision-making – Make it a habit to look at factual data rather than relying on gut feelings.

3. Fear of Uncertainty (The Brain’s Built-in Alarm System)

Uncertainty triggers anxiety because the brain prefers predictability. Any unknown variable, even if it’s potentially beneficial, activates the amygdala, the brain’s fear center.

How to Overcome It:

• Break change into small steps – Instead of making drastic shifts, implement gradual adjustments.

• Reframe uncertainty as opportunity – Instead of seeing the unknown as dangerous, view it as an adventure.

• Develop adaptability rituals – Engage in regular activities that push you out of your comfort zone (e.g., learning a new skill, taking a different route to work, or trying unfamiliar foods).

The Neuroscience of Resistance: How the Brain Fights Change

1. The Habit Loop (Why Old Patterns Are Hard to Break)

Habits are stored in the basal ganglia, a part of the brain that runs on autopilot. Once behaviors become ingrained, the brain prefers sticking to them rather than forming new pathways.

How to Overcome It:

• Identify habit triggers – Pinpoint what prompts unwanted behaviors (e.g., stress, boredom, social pressure).

• Replace, don’t erase – Instead of simply trying to eliminate a bad habit, replace it with a positive one.

• Use habit stacking – Attach a new habit to an existing one (e.g., “After I brush my teeth, I will meditate for one minute”).

2. The Dopamine Factor (Why Familiarity Feels Good)

The brain releases dopamine when engaging in familiar routines. New behaviors, however, may not provide an immediate sense of reward, making them harder to adopt.

How to Overcome It:

• Create immediate rewards – Pair new behaviors with small, enjoyable incentives (e.g., listen to your favorite music while exercising).

• Track progress visually – Use habit trackers or journals to see improvement over time.

• Celebrate small wins – Reinforce progress by acknowledging each milestone, no matter how minor.

Emotional and Social Influences: How Identity and Relationships Reinforce Stubbornness

1. Identity Tied to Beliefs (The Ego’s Defense Mechanism)

People resist change when it threatens their sense of self. If someone identifies as “always right” or “a realist,” adjusting their perspective feels like losing a part of their identity.

How to Overcome It:

• Detach self-worth from beliefs – Recognize that changing your mind is a sign of growth, not weakness.

• Develop a growth identity – Shift from “I am this way” to “I am always evolving.”

• Use self-compassion – Remind yourself that learning and adapting are natural parts of being human.

2. Social Conditioning (The Pressure to Conform)

Culture, family, and peer groups influence behaviors and reinforce existing beliefs. Breaking from these expectations can create tension or fear of rejection.

How to Overcome It:

• Surround yourself with growth-oriented people – Engage with those who challenge and inspire change.

• Set personal values above group expectations – Ask yourself, “Do I believe this because I truly value it, or because I was taught to?”

• Practice small acts of independence – Build confidence by making independent choices in everyday life.

Strategies to Make Change Easier

1. Use the 5-Minute Rule – If a change feels overwhelming, commit to doing it for just five minutes. Often, the hardest part is getting started.

2. Name Your Resistance – When you feel yourself pushing back against change, say, “This is my brain resisting because it prefers comfort. I can choose differently.”

3. Find an Accountability Partner – Having someone to encourage and check in on your progress increases the likelihood of lasting change.

4. Visualize Future Benefits – Instead of focusing on the difficulty of change, picture the positive outcomes of sticking with it.

5. Engage in Regular Self-Reflection – Ask yourself weekly, “What’s one belief or habit I could adjust to improve my life?”

Stubbornness isn’t just about being difficult. It’s a natural, deeply rooted response to change. Understanding the psychological, neurological, and emotional factors that drive resistance can help us develop practical strategies to overcome it.